Frustrations

It's the first day of the week..and a number of firsts for me as well. It's my first Monday at work. I've been squatting ever since I came into the office. I don't have my own computer yet. All I have is a table and a chair. There were some additions though. A wastebasket. Three ballpens. A tape measure. And three sign pens. Whoopee! Yeah right. Hehe Last week, I was using Glenda's computer since she was on leave. But today, she's back. Luckily Michelle was absent today. I got to use her computer for the meantime. I just do hope I'd get one for my own use soon... especially with me being new, there are a lot of free time in between. And I hate waiting and doing nothing. Killing time is something I do not like doing. At least with an Internet connection, I could do something. I swear I have never used YM so much in my entire life.

I don't know what's going to happen with the reshuffling thing. It's supposed to have taken effect today but nothing's happened so far. My guess is that they're making the transition slowly...So far the people at the office have been nice to me. I haven't got the chance to really know them yet though, and honestly I do not know if I ever will. Maybe. I hope so.

Awhile ago, I felt frustrated. I don't know if it's the effects of doing nothing...But I felt like screaming because of sheer frustration and helplessness. I felt frustrated of not being able to decide on my own. I felt frustrated of not being able to stand firm on what I believed in. I wanted to delay a little more with regards to accepting this job because I still wanted to try out other job opportunities that might come...But because my dad was making kulit already, I had no choice. I didn't want to have any arguments anymore. As much as possible, I wanted to avoid any fights. When my dad speaks, which he seldom does, you know it's the decision that he makes that will be the last one. That's why I didn't bother defending what I wanted anymore. And so far ever since I accepted this job I have now, I got two interviews (and still counting...) plus a lot of job openings that I wanted to try out. Thinking about it awhile ago at the office, it kind of pissed me off. I felt frustrated for not knowing what to do about the situation.

They say you control your own path...destiny...but I know for sure it was not true for me. No matter how hard I try, I can only do so much. I guess if it is really meant to be, then it will be. So even if you try hard in creating your own course, if it's not part of God's plan, fate will lead you back to where you're destined to be. It's a little disheartening for me to know that sometimes things do not turn out the way you plan and want things to be.